Two Adults Talking

People in games tend to talk pretty stupid.

I’ve become inured to this. I’m as comfortable with hacky cutscenes as a seasoned mortician is with death. I understand the dialogue in most games as a toll that must be paid in order to enjoy the rest of it. Metal Gear Solid V marries obsessively tuned stealth mechanics to a world in which war is grim slapstick, but it’s embarrassing whenever someone speaks. The Assassin’s Creed series populates its beautiful worlds with characters who speak almost exclusively in vaguely old-timey monologues. I’ve been playing through Valkyria Chronicles for the first time recently—it’s an interesting chess riff barely twitching beneath a surfeit of treacly chats about friendship.