The Help Line
A confession, a rotary phone, and a 900-number to Nintendo Power.
When I make the call, I'm in my parents' bedroom. This isn't a conscious choice on my part; it's not like I'm trying some form of rebellion, even though I know I'll get in trouble if they catch me. I make the call in their bedroom because it's the only place in the house I'm ensured at least a few moments of privacy. Dad's at work. Mom's in the garden outside. It's mid-summer, sometime late July, and she wants me to the mow the lawn later because there's supposed to be rain that weekend. I'll get to it eventually, swear to God, but there are more important matters to be dealt with first.
Also, my parents have a television in their room, and that's where we keep the Nintendo. I make the call with the Nintendo paused, the pixilated form of Judge Doom leering out at me from the TV screen. My heart is racing, now. It's a rotary phone, and I've got the Nintendo Power magazine open to the back. The pages are slick, the controller in my head is caked with sweat, the dial on the phone, which is pale-cream and heavy like betrayal ought to be, slips under my fingers. Somebody shouts outside-the dog; Mom's calling the dog. It's too hot.
There are some things you need to understand here. First is, I never, ever break the rules. Ever. I'm the kind of kid who's home on time, who does his homework, gets good grades, and goes where he's supposed to. If there's a line, I don't toe it, because toeing it requires you to be within foot-reach; thank you all the same, but I'd rather give myself the spare yard's distance, just to be on the safe side. I take no pride in this. In fact, I'm a little ashamed of it. I read a lot, and in all the books I read, nobody ever has a hero whose gift is for always remembering to turn the lights off, put down the toilet seat, and keep it quiet after ten o'clock because hey, some people are trying to sleep somewhere. I don't obey because I believe. I obey because I'm a coward. I obey for the same reason I read instruction books: because there are rules and they hold the world together, and if you stick with the rules, you'll win out in the end.
